Thursday, October 30, 2008

Dirty minds!!

I was scared at first.
It was very wide, and very long,
and it angled straight up.
I decided I had to try it once.
I slowly and carefully eased myself onto it.
It felt weird at first.
Then I got used to it.
I went up and down, and up and down on it.
I was really loving it.

Monday, October 20, 2008

The War on Terrorism

A platoon of soldiers was patrolling north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious.

On the opposite side of the road was an Australian soldier in a similar but less serious state.

The soldier was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the Platoon Leader asked the injured Australian what had happened.

The soldier reported, 'I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent.'
We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved.

He yelled back that Kevin Rudd is a bureaucratic, good-for-nothing, left wing labour dickhead who knows bugger all about running a country.'

'So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!'

He retaliated by yelling, 'Oh yeah? Well, so does Julia Gillard !'

'And, there we were, in the middle of the road, laughing, shaking hands, When a bloody truck hit us.'

Thursday, October 16, 2008

I wish i didn't have this story to tell...

First let me set the scene. it was glastonbury, my friend was sharing his tent with his girlfriend. He and I were knackered from our previous evening, not of drugs, but of cold from leaky boots, drenched coats, being indie-kids and getting lost.

That morning, i need a poo

Says i "do you have any bog roll i can borrow?"

"yes", says he "its in one of those bags here in my tent"

he rumages through carrier bags

"Maybe its this ones a bag of shit"

"what," says me "like a bag with, like, shit in it?"

"yes" he replies

and there it was a bag with a poo in it from his dear lady friend, too tired to find the toilets the day before.

i really hope she doesn't read these boards
edit\ i have been informed by her (now ex) boyfriend that i should also mention that she is now a published writer of a series of books based on a long-running sci-fi series.